It's been a while..

 I almost forgot I had this blog until I brought it up to someone this evening.  It's crazy isn't it, how life can happen and we can lose focus on ourselves or our passions? I can't even remember the last time I thought about singing, or writing. 

Life can be going so great,  then here comes all the hard stuff,  one thing after another,  and then some more battles on top of what you're already going through.  I can almost see it, in my personal life,  being so close to God,  then little by little,  each battle,  pulled me away more and more. I found myself overwhelmed,  defeated, tired,  feeling like I had lost the fire that burned within.  And with each passing day, silence.  I'd ask God why I'm not hearing Him or feeling Him.  What was I doing that's so wrong? And at the same time,  I felt a tugging,  I can't explain,  I'd feel something drawing me closer and then bam, here come more attacks. I am that person a long time ago that would encourage people to run to God at their lowest and here I was, slowly distancing from Him and not even realizing it at the time.  Then last year,  my mom almost died, and I felt that tugging again. That feeling of being pulled closer to something,  and I prayed like I never have before.  I let go of what I had no control over. And one night,  in the silence,  I felt God again.  I felt His presence and I knew then,  that the tugging I felt was Him drawing me closer. 

Our lives can be so chaotic and noisy.  The attacks still come,  now more than ever,  but guess what? God is bigger.  

I just want to encourage whoever may come across this blog. It's not over. Let Him fight your battles.  We live in crazy times right now and now is the time to let Him in.  There's still purpose for you,  there's still a fire that burns within, and there's hope and love and grace. You're never too far gone.  

The smallest prayer can make way for our God to do big things.  

He loves you, the confused you,  the lost you,  the feeling hopeless you,  the you that wants to give up. I've been there. Don't give up, and please know He never left, He is always with you.  

Jeremiah 29:11

Grandpa Time and God

April 2012

I was listening to my son's lullaby cd lastnight waiting for him to doze off and I started to doze off myself.. and listening to that music..in my mind I pictured my sister and I as children, and we were laying in our bunk beds listening to this toy we had.  He was called "Grandpa Time" He told us stories and would sing us songs.  We always fell asleep listening to him and absolutely no other noise of what was going on around us could stop us from hearing what he was saying.  The sounds of the gangs outside.. the fighting.. the nights my dad was over drunk.. and the loudness from him, and just everything going on around us.. sounded like nothing in comparison to the sound of the voice coming from our "grandpa time".  We always felt peace when He was talking or when his music was playing.  It had the most relaxing soothing voice... and I can see how my son and other children are that way now with the noise of the world around them when they hear their favorite lullabies.. the peace they feel.  

So this got me thinking.. God is our "grandpa time".. He speaks to us through all the commotion.. all the noise... but do we hear Him the way we heard our favorite things as children?  Do we block out the sounds of the world and listen to His song or His message for us?  Personally I struggle with it, a lot.   I can be focused on God and if something goes on around me, my mind goes straight to that.. and I lose all focus.  I would think as an adult it would be easier to focus on Him then it would having  a mind of a child that is always seeing and hearing different things all the time.  If it was so easy for us as children then what is going on now that we are letting this happen?  I struggle so much with it.. but my prayer is that we all have the mind of a child in some things.. (faith, focus) but not other things (immaturity etc) and that we all make God our grandpa time or our lullaby or whatever else took us away from the world and to focus on what was right :)

Sticks and stones...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me"   we've all heard that saying.. and thats the biggest lie EVER.. words hurt. bad.  The Bible says in Proverbs 18:21 ESV...Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.... Matthew 15:18 ESV...But what comes out of the mouth proceeds from the heart, and this defiles a person.Proverbs 12:18 ESV ...There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. Ephesians 4:29 ESV...Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear....Matthew 12:37 ESV....For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”

"you'll never amount to anything"... "youre not good enough"... "youre ugly"... "youre a bad friend/child/etc".. "youre nothing but trouble".. "youre not worth being friends with"... or "youre not worth having in my life" .. "you dont deserve another chance"... "its your fault this or that happened" .. "i wish i wouldve never met you".. "youll never have the boldness to do that".. "youll never sing loud.. youll never stand up and speak in front of people".. and the list goes on..

Those are just a few examples of things spoken to me in my life and I'm sure others have heard it in their own lives too (btw this isnt meant to you mom, youre the best lol) While I have definitely forgiven the ones who have spoke this in the past.. I've never forgotten and not sure I can.. our words scar.. we HAVE to be careful what we say.. its wrong to put others down. I've been guilty of it, we all speak out of anger.

We've all been talked about.. some of us, I'm certain still are.. but it doesnt make us who we are.  Personally, I have been condemned recently even when being totally honest and open and trying to help, I've been told I'm lying and starting trouble.. with the words that fly out of people's mouths.. while theyre sooo certain they know.. I thank God that HE knows the truth, and while I've tried to prove myself, after praying, I'm like ah, God has this .. I don't care anymore.. He knows I was honest.. and He'll reveal truth at some point.  He knows my heart!

Our own friends and family.. sometimes sadly even our own brothers and sisters in Christ, put us down like this.. and that hurts the most because as a christian we KNOW that God commands us to love..and not condemn.. if  we start to question truth.. then pray about it instead of jumping to conclusions.. lift each other up.. quit loving one minute then suddenly youre tearing people down.  Thats NOT God.. thats the enemy and hes enjoying every single moment.. and sometimes we get so blinded by him we dont even want to try to see the truth.

What happens when all these words and bad things are spoken to us.... we start to see ourselves with so much negativity that we don't see the truth.  We look in the mirror and instead of seeing what God has made us to be. we see ugliness... we put ourselves down... we get bitter.. we have anger.. and unforgiveness.  We start to treat others the way we've been treated and eventually they'll do it to someone else if they let it get to them that much
we start to feel empty.. unwanted..unloved.. we wonder if anyone is being honest with us when theyre being nice and we start to expect them to hurt us next.

But if we start to pray.. and seek God and ask Him to show us truth.. to wipe away all these things that have been spoken over us.. to guide our paths and to help us stay strong.. all those things we feel, start to slowly disappear.  He takes our scars away. He loves us like no other!   He forgives us, and He sees us for who we really are.. we can mess up over and over and over again but Hes right there waiting.. making us stronger.. showing us love.. unconditional love.. and so much mercy. Then we start to meet people we NEED in our lives.. the ones who show love no matter what, and not judge..they lift us up.. they encourage us..they speak truth.... The Bible tells us, we are the head and not the tail.... that God has plans for our future.. we have a promise in Him.. we are forgiven.. we are free.

I'm not what people say I am.. I'm what GOD says I am.. and that tells me... I'm great ... seriously though.. its amazing knowing that no matter what.. He is there.. He's my life.. I surrender all to Him. I pray that you all see who you are in Him and not let anything spoken over you or to you.. change who you are and who youre meant to be.  Leave it all to Him.. and love everyone.. even the ones who hurt you.. and pray for them to see truth.. its ok to move on too.. no need to be around that stuff. but just continue to love no matter what.. and I truly believe if we started to do that and lift each other up.. we'll see change :)

Are you ready?

Jan 2014

Revelation 19:11-16 - I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and wages war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Coming out of his mouth is a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.” He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written: KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS

I've been dreaming of a white horse a lot and it got me thinking about when Jesus returns.  Sometimes I don't realize just how fast a minute, hour, and day passes by. So many of us can take time for granted and within one quick moment, it can be over. I just pray that we aren't doing something in that moment that isn't pleasing to Him.  We have to be ready at all times, we aren't guaranteed our next breath.  

Matthew 24:26 - “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.

I know we have heard about His return for years, but all we have to do is watch everything going on in the world.. it is only getting worse.  It breaks my heart knowing that there will be so many people who aren't ready. Even though no one knows when it will happen... it will happen.  If you don't know where you will go when you die, or if you're ready for His return, please repent and get right with God.  He loves you so much and there is nothing that you could have done that will stop His love for you!  He is a forgiving God.  And if you already have a personal relationship with Him, please continue to pray for others,and love them, you may be the only way that they hear about Jesus.  We live in such crazy times, we have to wonder how much more that God will put up with before He sends Christ back for us.  Be ready!

1 Corinthians 15:52 - in a flash, in the twinkling of an eye, at the last trumpet. For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised imperishable, and we will be changed.

Unity in Christ

January 8 2014

Be united with other Christians. A wall with loose bricks is not good. The bricks must be cemented together." - Corrie Ten Boom

I have been seeing more and more ,who God put in my life and who He has removed.  When I say this, I picture a garden (us) blooming and the gardener (God) removing all the weeds (people God doesn't want us around).  I sometimes fail and find myself associating with the people that God doesn't want there anymore.  Whether it be just for a season or for good, there is a reason He no longer wants them there.  I know that is His way of trying to do something better and make room for the better in our lives.  We have to learn to trust Him enough to let go.  I know I can't help everyone, I wasn't called to do that.  In our walk, we have to continually move forward.

Psalm 133:1 - How good and pleasant it is when God’s people live together in unity!

We need unity in Christ.  No matter where you are in your life, or who you have around you, if you have someone you can count on to encourage you and lift you up, whether it be a pastor, friend, or family member, don't let that go!  Don't surround yourself with negative people that are going to bring you down in any way.  God gives us the people we need in our lives, and if someone leaves our life for any reason, He will send another.  I learned that a few months ago and that is such a blessing to me! After all the craziness this life brings, if we have someone we can turn to, who will help guide us in the right direction, that is what matters.  We can love others, we are supposed to, no matter what they do or have done, and also to continually forgive, but that can be done from a distance.  We should never stop growing, and the battles never stop coming. Stand strong! Enjoy the people God put in your life. Stay united!  Don't look back, always keep going forward!

Ephesians 4:3 - Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.

1 Corinthians 12:27 - Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it.

He calls me friend

January 7 2014

What kind of people do you call your friends?  Do they lift you up or bring you down?  This is something I have struggled with over the years.  I thought my friends were people that lifted me up, yet would do things to hurt me or put me down, or talk about me.  And I still found myself going back to the same people over and over and for some reason expecting a different result because they said they were christians, yet they would bear bad fruit.  Looking back I can see how much I was being used, and I was letting it happen, hoping they would change the next time around.  

1 Corinthians 15:33 - Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.

Pretty soon I realized instead of doing what I should be doing, I was getting caught up in their ways.   I changed, I wasn't happy, I felt like I didn't deserve to be happy, then I started to feel like what they said about me was true and I was questioning who I was.  Not once, for a long time, did I even try to see myself the way God sees me.  I stopped thinking positive and started taking blame for every little thing.

Proverbs 22:24-25 - Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person,do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn their ways and get yourself ensnared.

God calls us His friend.   How amazing is that?  Really, we don't even need earthly friends, He is all we need.   But if you are blessed enough to find a good circle of people, who lift you up, and help you along in your journey and stay with you through the storms.  Stick with them!  They are going to love you for you, no matter what.   I remember the moment I felt like I hit rock bottom, I felt so alone, like no one cared outside my family, that's when I felt God the most and realized His love for me.  And I let go and started to fully trust Him, and suddenly I started getting these God sent people in my life!  They showed me what friendship truly is as well as what it is to love the way Christ loves us.  If you're in a similar situation, please know, you don't have to put up with people that bring you down, and please don't bring others down!  You can make such a difference in the lives of others and they can make a difference in yours! Don't change for anyone but stand firm in your walk!

John 15:12-15 - My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.

Do you see?

When you look around, do you look or do you really see? My mom, my friend, my son and I all took trip to PA yesterday and it was amazing, we didn't get to see much, but it was so fun. Full of laughter. I enjoyed every moment! We got lost a couple times but instead of getting upset we really enjoyed trying to get to our destination. I enjoyed everything from looking at the scenery to watching the crazy drivers (sorry PA friends but they were crazy). My son joked right along with us and had us laughing so hard, and I'd look back at him and truly see the joy in his eyes. The smile that was so big on his face. And his laughter was priceless. Hearing my mom laugh like she hasn't in a long time, was really awesome. I watched her and her friend sit and talk like time never passed when they haven't seen each other in 34 years. I watched the twinkle in their eyes when they talked about the memories they had together. And I sat and talked to my friend and when we're together it's also like time never passed and definitely never boring. We saw a beautiful bride and groom getting their pics done on mount washington and I said I can't wait for that moment, but I looked down at my lil guy and the fun we were all having and that moment right there was most precious to me. Tomorrow is back to "normal" but today I can laugh at yesterday, and enjoy today, and not even worry about tomorrow or the next day, but I will still enjoy tomorrow whatever it brings. Enjoy every moment! Make tons of memories. Smile more and get angry less! Time goes so fast, enjoy the moments while you're on your way to wherever you are going!

James 4:14 Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.